This is my last text to Brandon:
You know what it’s fine Brandon I wouldent want me either. All I do I cause everyone trouble and I honestly think that that world world be a whole lot better without me in it. All I want to do is give people something to be happy about but obvously im not it. So it’s fine if you keep treating me like the garbage I am becouse that’s what I deserve. Hate me all you want, I deserve it. I’m worthless and should just be treated like shit. I’m sorry for trying to get anyone to actually want to be around me because I know why they wouldent want to be. All I do is complain and bother people and I am so sorry that you ever had the displeasure of ever meeting me. I know that you don’t want me and probley never will but what’s new. I’m stupid for ever thinking that giving myself to you would ever accomplish anything. My family hates me,i hate me and now you hate me to. I hope that you can find hapiness now that I’m no longer in the equation. I guess I just wanted to be wanted and no one wanted me. So I’m sorry once again. Have a nice life Brandon
This is the last message that I sent to Brandon last night while I was sobbing. I just try so hard and is it to much to ask to be wanted back? Aparently it is. I just don’t know why he doesent want me but then again no one does. I went shopping at walmart today and low and behold Brandon was there working in the Wal-Mart McDonald’s. Is there a reason the universe is torturing me with his face? I just wish I knew what it was. I just wish that I could be what he wanted needed beged for because that’s what he is for me.
Brandon is litrally going to be the death of me. No matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to get over him. I was just about to make a tindr account to meet some new people but I just can’t find it in me to make one. I feel so lost and stupid. He doesent even like me anymore but all that’s done is make me want him more. He asked me if I wanted to be freinds with benifits and I said yes hoping that would mean we could actually hang out for once but nope he started ignoring me again. I would do anything for him I even told him that but it seems the more of myself I am willing to give him the less of me he wants. I just don’t understand guys sometimes. Here is a willing and able person that would litrally die for you and you don’t even want to test them to see how far they would go for you? Even if he just used me I wouldent mind I just want to be near him, is that so much to ask? Am I that worthless that you wouldent even give me a chance? I guess I’m ment to be forever alone in the world.
I think I know the reason that I’m going to be forever alone. I care too much. I care so much that I get obsessed and that makes people back off before I get to show them the real me. The real me is the most loyal person you’ll ever meet. I will put your life before my own because I am merely a vesile to be used for making other people’s lives as comfortable as possible. I just wish I could control the way I act when I truly like someone but sadly I can’t and I don’t think I will ever be able to. So please don’t give up on me because I know that I will never give up on you.
I just found out that the guy I gave my first blowjob to just used me. He dident like me at all and that was all he wanted. So guess what I did?I dident scream I dident cry I went straight into my hallway closet and got a razor. I took it apart and sliced his name into my arm while laughing. Now as i am typing this my arm stings but it’s better then nothing I guess. I suck at trying to get over people but people obvously have an easy time getting over me. So thank you Brandon your name will forever be engraved in my skin. I’m off to be an emo twat now ta ta.
After seeing “The Huntsman: Winters War” I’ve come to relize that people are just pawns in the game of life and that those who overcome the binds and weaknesses are the ones with the real power. I have been spending the last couple of days obsessing over some guy I think I gave a blowjob to (it was my first time). I have been texting him non-stop and he hasent replied once. He told me that he liked me but that was obvously bullshit. After that movie I relized that love is the greatest weakness and that the only thing it does is hold you back from your true potential. So I’ve decided to stop loving anyone ever again(exept my parents of course). I have also relized that obsessing over people ruins me and makes me weak and willing to do whatever they want me to do to keep them intrested. That’s all for now peasents.
I am so depressed and sad. I just quit my first job which I regret so deeply and I can’t change Jack shit about it. This guy who I thought liked me just blocked me on Facebook for no reason but then again who would really like me anyways. My personality is shit but
I’ll be loyal until the end but I guess no one wants that do they. I will do whatever anyone wants but i guess thats useless in this world. Fuck people ill just go back to being a sad and depressed loser.
I never cry. The only time I cry is when I force myself to but after watching videos of what humans do to other living creature I am crying my eyes out. I have never wanted so badly to be dead and off of this planet. Why must humans be so cruel? Why are these things even possible for humans to do. Even as I write this I’m fighting back the tears that refuse to stop forming in my eyes.i can’t do this anymore I don’t want to. I never thought I’d actually think of killing myself but if I keep seeing things like this I might just change my mind.
To me living is pointless. Complain complain complain that’s all I do. I’m so damn selfish and rude I don’t even think I deserve to live. To live is to suffer to die is to be free. I wish someone who actually cared about living got to live instead of me. I’m so done with living life is stupid. Someone please kill me already.
I just came up with this recipe while trying to figure out how I could make use of some black beans I had laying around. So without further ado here is the recipe:
- 1 can of Black Beans (washed and drained)
- 1 cup of bread crumbs (I recommend Panko)
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- ¼ teaspoon pepper
- 2-4 sprigs of thyme
- 1 ½ tablespoons of garlic and herb (or garlic powder)
- 1 teaspoon chili powder
- 1 tablespoon onion powder (or ½ onion)
- 1 teaspoon mustard
- Hot sauce (to your liking)
- ¼ cup apple sauce (or any egg replacement)
- 5-6 hamburger buns
- Vegan cheese spread (I used cashew)
- 5-8 leaves of spinach (or one slice of lettuce) per burger
- 2 tomatoes(sliced)
- Put beans into a large bowl and mash well with fork or potato masher.
- Add apple sauce or egg replacement and mix until combined.
- Then add bread crumbs, salt, pepper, mustard, hot sauce, thyme, garlic, chili powder and onion.
- Mix well to combine and shape into patties.
Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in large skillet over medium low heat. Arrange Patties in a single layer and cook on one side for 5 minutes. Then flip and cook other side for another five minutes for a total of 10 minutes. When done transfer to buns and top with chosen add-ons.
- I found the garlic and herb at Sams club
- This it the literal most delicious black bean burger recipe I have ever had in my life and I’ve had a lot of them. I hope you enjoy this recipe and be sure to leave a comment on how it turns out(:
So today’s Sunday and I’m at church once again and they keep talking about how we chose to be here and honestly it’s hilarious. Do they honestly think that if I had a choice that I would be here? Everyday all I do is complain about how I wish someone would just kill me or that I could just die already and that I hate life so much. I hate religion so much I mean just think about it. Most of the hate in this world is caused by religion and their rediculus views on things that have nothing to do with them. It’s sickens me how far some religious people will go to “please” their God/Gods. I think that the world would be better off if religion was never in it. Well anyways today is my brothers birthday which sucks for him since we can’t go anywhere because it’s SUNDAY(it’s fucking rediculus). I’m going to work on my math after church gets out so that’s something to do. That’s all goodbyeee!