Sunday Thoughts 1

Maybe i should just accept that people will talk about me just for existing or breathing even though i havent done anything to anyone. I have not said one rude word to anyone and they all asume that i eithier have an atittude,that im crabby or just overall a rude person. You know what ill just keep being me as the wise onion boy always says at the end of his videos. Judge me for no reason even though your religion suposedly teaches you to love one another but i guess that doesent apply to me. Im a pretty good looking person if i do say so myself abd thats not being conceded im told this on a regular basis. I don’t care for stupid people. Right now im liteni ng to a lady talk about loveing eachother but again that doesent apply to me. People are so quick to judge me and others who dont fit their cookie cutter standard that its mindblowing when they start talking about loving one anther. To each his own i guess.

P.S. i think im going to start writing my suday blog posts again. So much things to say but not outload because I’m aparently not aloud to have opinions or be considered a human being.

PandaQueen12

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Soulmate part 2

Ever had feelings so strongly twards someone that it physically hurt to even see them with anyone else? I know he has a girlfriend and I’m trying so hard to get over these feelings but I just can’t. I can feel it inside myself that he is my Soulmate the one I’m ment to be with. I might not be able to have him right now but I feel like the universe is not letting me get over him for some reason. Any advice? I’m so stuck on him that I check his social media(atleast the ones he uses) every single day. It hurts but I just have to see that hes ok and doing atleast descent. The things hes said and his way of being such an egotistical person gives me life. I was looking at his pictures last night while high af on the weedles and the feelings I have for him were amplified times 1000 I can’t do this anymore. I was going to be in one of my friends music videos and he went but I couldent get a ride. Is this a sign that I should stop? I dont know help me.

-PandaQueen12

Here we go again

Suprise suprise I’m still alive. My plan was halted by the lack of access to needed materials. So here I again waiting for the end. I just to 2 grams of coke and 2 hits of acid in a 1-3 hour period. I did less then half a gram earlier then about a half an hour ago I snorted the 1.5-1.7g that were left at the same time. I tried to search online to see how long it takes to die but im not getting any solid answers. I took 4 sleeping pills 10 or so minutes ago so if I do die it will atleast be in my sleep(hopefully painless) If I wake up (hoping not to) I’ll write another post about how i dramaticly fail yet again. Ive done so much shit at the same time im suprised I’m not dead fuck this shitšŸ˜‘šŸ˜

-PandaQueen12

Last Post.

I know I told you to read my blog but don’t. Its been a wee bit since I’ve posted on this blog but as i always say”who cares” its my blog and I’ll do what I want.

So I’m making a plan on New Years for my death. So far I’ve concluded that I will drink exesive amounts of alchohol,smoke weed till i can see all the universe, take 25 or so sleeping pills and take 10 tabs of acid all In the same day Well ill probley spread it out throuhout the night but who knows im a pretty compulsive person. I was gonma do it before Christmas but thats way to fucked up son. I’m not that satanic or crual. Maybe I’ll sacrifice myself lto satan and become his waifu. See you guys in hell or not who knows what happens after death.

-PandaQueen12

Scattered Thoughts

I done goofed up. I still cant get you out of my head. Do you ever just think about all the shit you’ve done and realize that when you die( ie kill yourself)your family is going to find out EVERYTHING? like when I die my family is going to find this blog,my Facebook,Twitter,Tumblr….. i mean i could hid all this but fuck it I’m going to be dead anyways. Lil Peep died today and I cried like 10 times already. I dident really lnow anout him till now (kind of) but i do now and i listened to some of his music and I can relate to him. Being alive and just living are two completely different things. R.I.P

Thinking about what the point of being alive is makes me severely depressed and want to kill myself so i try to stop but I over think EVERYTHING.

that’s all for now all i can process enough to write down here that is.

-PandaQueen12

SoulmateĀ 

This morning I woke up still thinking about the one person I’ve been thinking of every single day for the past couple of months. When I wake up with this person in my head my whole heart just lights up. This person has got to be the single most interesting, funny, handsome and just an overall awesome human being. I don’t think I’ve ever been this in love with someone in my entire life. I cry when I think of all the things that have been wrongly done towards this person and I want to be there for them I want to be with them they’re the only one I have ever truly cried for because I sincerely in my heart am hurt that something like that would ever come out of the mind of someone as amazing as them. Recently I realized Life’s too short to live in your comfort zone( surprise surprise) and that the people you love can be taken away from you at any moment so live your life to the fullest with no regrets. When I started this blog I truly I was about to kill myself but I didn’t and now I think I might have found the person I would like to spend the rest of my life working towards getting. I think I might have found my soulmate. I feel as though I might actually try for once instead of always second-guessing myself. I will achieve happiness one day no matter how long it takes but if it’s with you I think I’m already there.

This whole blog post is kind of a mess but my emotions are strong and this is the only way I can express that.

PAndaQueen12 

I didn’t say no

I dident say no

I said it was fine
When you started touching me I felt inclined
to ask you what you were doing
Then you stared at me making me uncomfortable
Then you tried to kiss me but I turned my head
You tired to put your hand in my pants but I batted it away
You asked me if I was fine and I said it was OK
All you wanted was to use me I should have known
It was my first time but like you know
I was sore for days but like you care
But you dident rape me because I dident say no.
And now I get flashbacks of what you did and I think of how stupid I was for not saying no. I dident say yes but I dident say no.

-PandaQueen12

Still Waiting.

I honestly can’t stand living anymore at this point in time. I’m tired of living,breathing and just being here in general. I am so utterly done and upset with anything and everything I can’t even start to think about my life right now. To think that anyone would ever want to be with me for me is an ignorant and ridiculous thought. Everyone I have ever met has just used me for one thing or another. Even my own parents treat me like their personal servant. I get treated like I am the most stupid person in the room, people like to make me cry on purpose because they know how easy it is to make me upset and make me think that they don’t like me and or hate me. I am so sick of people treating me this way but i know I’ll never change and that I’ll always get used by someone.

Woe is meĀ 

To me living is pointless. Complain complain complain that’s all I do. I’m so damn selfish and rude I don’t even think I deserve to live. To live is to suffer to die is to be free. I wish someone who actually cared about living got to live instead of me. I’m so done with living life is stupid. Someone please kill me already.  

                 -PandaQueen12

Vegan Black Bean Burger Recipe

I just came up with this recipe while trying to figure out how I could make use of some black beans I had laying around. So without further ado here is the recipe:

Serves 5-6

Patty Ingredients:

  • 1 can of Black Beans (washed and drained)
  • 1 cup of bread crumbs (I recommend Panko)
  • Ā¼ teaspoon salt
  • Ā¼ teaspoon pepper
  • 2-4 sprigs of thyme
  • 1 Ā½ tablespoons of garlic and herb (or garlic powder)
  • 1 teaspoon chili powder
  • 1 tablespoon onion powder (or Ā½ onion)
  • 1 teaspoon mustard
  • Hot sauce (to your liking)
  • Ā¼ cup apple sauce (or any egg replacement)

 

Optional Add-ons:

  • 5-6 hamburger buns
  • Vegan cheese spread (I used cashew)
  • 5-8 leaves of spinach (or one slice of lettuce) per burger
  • 2 tomatoes(sliced)

 

Directions:

  1. Put beans into a large bowl and mash well with fork or potato masher.
  2. Add apple sauce or egg replacement and mix until combined.
  3. Then add bread crumbs, salt, pepper, mustard, hot sauce, thyme, garlic, chili powder and onion.
  4. Mix well to combine and shape into patties.

 

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in large skillet over medium low heat. Arrange Patties in a single layer and cook on one side for 5 minutes. Then flip and cook other side for another five minutes for a total of 10 minutes. When done transfer to buns and top with chosen add-ons.

*Notes:

  • I found the garlic and herb at Sams club
  • This it the literal most delicious black bean burger recipe I have ever had in my life and I’ve had a lot of them. I hope you enjoy this recipe and be sure to leave a comment on how it turns out(:

 

-PandaQueen12