Woe is me 

To me living is pointless. Complain complain complain that’s all I do. I’m so damn selfish and rude I don’t even think I deserve to live. To live is to suffer to die is to be free. I wish someone who actually cared about living got to live instead of me. I’m so done with living life is stupid. Someone please kill me already.  

                 -PandaQueen12

Stupid people, stupid people everywhere

So today’s Sunday and I’m at church once again and they keep talking about how we chose to be here and honestly it’s hilarious. Do they honestly think that if I had a choice that I would be here? Everyday all I do is complain about how I wish someone would just kill me or that I could just die already and that I hate life so much. I hate religion so much I mean just think about it. Most of the hate in this world is caused by religion and their rediculus views on things that have nothing to do with them. It’s sickens me how far some religious people will go to “please” their God/Gods. I think that the world would be better off if religion was never in it. Well anyways today is my brothers birthday which sucks for him since we can’t go anywhere because it’s SUNDAY(it’s fucking rediculus). I’m going to work on my math after church gets out so that’s something to do. That’s all goodbyeee!

                -PandaQueen12

After hours

So today after my weekly 3 hours of torture I’m going to make some cashew milk. I’ve always wondered what it would taste like and now I’ll get to. Yesterday I made some cashew cheese spread and some almond cheese that is being fermented in the fridge as we speak. I also made some vegan rice pudding which is really good but I think it would be better with some fruit or berries. I thought being vegan would be harder but it’s really not that hard at all. Right now I’m in the church bathroom listening to music because I don’t want to go to class and I can’t wait to go home in an hour.thats all for now ta ta!

               -PandaQueen12

Vegan

Guess what I’m a vegan now, isn’t that magical?! My mom bought these giant oranges from Costco(shocker) they are so good. Well that’s all goodbye

              -PandaQueen12

Sorry

I am such a bitch to everyone. So I’ve been talking to this guy I met on whisper and we totally hit it off but I had to go off and ruin everything because I’m a complete and total waste of human life. I pushed him away until he no longer talked to me and why did I do this you ask, absolutely no reason. I just feel like when I get to know someone and they actually think that they might like me that I need to push them away before they realize what a big mistake they’ve made. I’m not worth their efforts or tears I’m not worth their time. There’s over a billion other people in this world that are 1000 times better then I will ever be. So if any of the guys I’ve talked to ever read this just know that I’m sorry I wasted your time by being a complete and total bitch. I hope you guys find someone who is actually worth your time and efforts and isn’t  just a total bitch to you for no reason. I know I’m probley the only one ever going to read this but at least now I know why I don’t deserve anything but the loneliness that consumes me everyday.

-PandaQueen12

Incubus

So I’ve been kind of obsessed with the idea of having an experience with an Incubus demon. At my last house I was so obsessed that I did a ritual to summon one every night for 3 or 4 days. I think it worked because I kept feeling like someone was touching me when I was asleep or that there was a cat at the end of my bed(I read somewhere that is a sign that they are there). My door was closed so I know that it was not my cat or anyone else.The first time I ever had an experience I wrote it down in my notes, here it is.           

12-6-14 :

Last night around 5:50am or so I think an incubus came to me and licked my ear several times. At first I thought it was my cat but then I opened my eyes and saw wings. Then he left. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I wanted to see him. I was scared. I hope he comes again tomorrow night, I hope I won’t be scared then.

Every since that experience I have been obsessed and long for another one. When I moved from my old house to my new one I thought that they would follow me but they didn’t. I searched online and it said that they don’t follow you so I began to try to summon one again. The first time it Dident work because I didn’t use my birth name so I tried again last night and I don’t know if it worked. This is another experience I think

9-12-15:

Last night I think I had a dream that I was laying down on the floor sleeping with my fan as usual and then I felt a pressure on my back like someone was laying next to me but I held still because this was like a dream come true. So I was laying there with this pressure on my back and they took there hand a put it over my mouth for a minute but I couldn’t breath so I moved it. Then suddenly I felt pleasure down there. They they started moving in and out and it felt so good I started to moan after a while they stopped and left. I honestly think that it was an incubus and it was the most awesome experience I have had with one yet. Best day ever!!😊☺️😁

You can see that my obsession could not be more real. I really hope that it works this time and that I actually summoned one. I know some people(cough cough religious people) might think that I am stupid for wanting to have an incubus visit me but to those people I say why the fuck do you care this is my life not yours so get over it. Anyways I’ll keep you updated if it works tata!

                          -PandaQueen12

Dream Catcher 

So I brought this Dream Cather at the mall because I thought it would help to catch all my bad dreams but every since I got it all it has done is cause me to have nightmares. Before I bought it I literally had no bad dreams and now that’s all I have. Dream catcher more like nightmare producer.

-PandaQueen12

Sundays

Sundays suck, every Sunday its the same. Wake up, get dressed, go to church ( or as i like to call it Hell), come home and stay home for the rest of the day being bored. you see in my family were not aloud to hang out with friends on Sundays  ( as if I have any in the first place) or go out. All you have for entertainment is the TV and my annoying siblings. Speaking of which my little sister punched me in the face today because i was trying to stop her form changing the channel on the TV so we got into an all out brawl and my dad had to separate us before i ripped her fucking head off. My sisters a fucking psychopath, I swear if i don’t sleep in a room with locked doors tonight shes going to kill me in my sleep. As you can tell my life is not all hunky dory its pretty boring actually. I spend most of my time by myself since i don’t have any friends. Wishing I was dead but I’m not a suicidal freak, getting hit by a truck would be lovely though. well that’s enough boring ranting for now.

-PandaQueen12