Ever had feelings so strongly twards someone that it physically hurt to even see them with anyone else? I know he has a girlfriend and I’m trying so hard to get over these feelings but I just can’t. I can feel it inside myself that he is my Soulmate the one I’m ment to be with. I might not be able to have him right now but I feel like the universe is not letting me get over him for some reason. Any advice? I’m so stuck on him that I check his social media(atleast the ones he uses) every single day. It hurts but I just have to see that hes ok and doing atleast descent. The things hes said and his way of being such an egotistical person gives me life. I was looking at his pictures last night while high af on the weedles and the feelings I have for him were amplified times 1000 I can’t do this anymore. I was going to be in one of my friends music videos and he went but I couldent get a ride. Is this a sign that I should stop? I dont know help me.
I dident say no
I said it was fine
When you started touching me I felt inclined
to ask you what you were doing
Then you stared at me making me uncomfortable
Then you tried to kiss me but I turned my head
You tired to put your hand in my pants but I batted it away
You asked me if I was fine and I said it was OK
All you wanted was to use me I should have known
It was my first time but like you know
I was sore for days but like you care
But you dident rape me because I dident say no.
And now I get flashbacks of what you did and I think of how stupid I was for not saying no. I dident say yes but I dident say no.
I’m so freaking weird. So today when I was waking up I was imagining some guy raping me and I was actually getting wet and horny from it. What the fuck is wrong with me? I think my mind is broken or something because I actually want to get raped by some guy. I see my therapist on Thursday but there is no way in hell that I’m going to tell her about my sick twisted thoughts because she would for sure tell my mom about it and I’d be put in a mental hospital. I’m going to try and finish my civics class today so I won’t be so stressed about not finishing my classes and never getting into college. I am so worried about my future because I am such a slacker sometimes I could scream at myself for how stupid I can be. Well I’m off to watch holiday baking championship with me mum and then do some school work. Ta ta peasants(:
I’m the most random person ever. One second I’ll be thinking about sex or food then the next second I’ll be screaming at the top of lungs and making animal noises around my house. My parents think I’m so weird when I do this and I don’t blame them. I’m just always so bored so I do strange things to entertain myself. For example if I’m home alone and I know people won’t be home for awhile I just think ” time to go masterbate” even though I’m not horny at all(which is rare). I think I might be crazy or something. On the contrary I could just need some human interaction but as you probably know by now that’s not going to happen. I need someone to please come save me before I go mad😫😖
P.S I literally almost typed in my real name on here. If my parents found out I’d be sent to a purifying camp to “rid me of my sins” as they would say.🙄😆 anyways ta ta!😘
Sometimes I sit down and think to myself am I really submissive? Sure I’m easily munipulated by others into doing things or I’ll feel bad but I just don’t know if I am. I don’t know if I started wanting to be submissive before or after reading 50 shades of grey it’s kind of all a blur. It would be really stupid if that was the reason that I think I am or want to be submissive. I know one thing for certain though and that is that I want to be controlled I crave it actually. This is probley because my life has no control so I feel that if I was in a relationship I’d want whoever I was in the relationship with to take charge because I am the most indecisive person ever. Whenever I’m at the store with my mom and she asks me which cereal I think she should get I literally could care less and always say I don’t care. I read so much wattpad stories(you know the ones😏) and I get so sucked into them and wish that my life was like that but sadly it’s not. People who are possessive, obsessive or controlling just really intrigue and turn me on for some reason. When I say I like people who like having control I mean it in all aspects of themselves even when talking to someone online. I hate those people who say that they like to control yet let you walk all over them I mean if you were seriously controlling there’s no way in hell you would let me get away with pulling that shit. Well that’s what’s been on my mind latley.
So I’ve been kind of obsessed with the idea of having an experience with an Incubus demon. At my last house I was so obsessed that I did a ritual to summon one every night for 3 or 4 days. I think it worked because I kept feeling like someone was touching me when I was asleep or that there was a cat at the end of my bed(I read somewhere that is a sign that they are there). My door was closed so I know that it was not my cat or anyone else.The first time I ever had an experience I wrote it down in my notes, here it is.
Last night around 5:50am or so I think an incubus came to me and licked my ear several times. At first I thought it was my cat but then I opened my eyes and saw wings. Then he left. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I wanted to see him. I was scared. I hope he comes again tomorrow night, I hope I won’t be scared then.
Every since that experience I have been obsessed and long for another one. When I moved from my old house to my new one I thought that they would follow me but they didn’t. I searched online and it said that they don’t follow you so I began to try to summon one again. The first time it Dident work because I didn’t use my birth name so I tried again last night and I don’t know if it worked. This is another experience I think
Last night I think I had a dream that I was laying down on the floor sleeping with my fan as usual and then I felt a pressure on my back like someone was laying next to me but I held still because this was like a dream come true. So I was laying there with this pressure on my back and they took there hand a put it over my mouth for a minute but I couldn’t breath so I moved it. Then suddenly I felt pleasure down there. They they started moving in and out and it felt so good I started to moan after a while they stopped and left. I honestly think that it was an incubus and it was the most awesome experience I have had with one yet. Best day ever!!😊☺️😁
You can see that my obsession could not be more real. I really hope that it works this time and that I actually summoned one. I know some people(cough cough religious people) might think that I am stupid for wanting to have an incubus visit me but to those people I say why the fuck do you care this is my life not yours so get over it. Anyways I’ll keep you updated if it works tata!
I am literally the most sexually repressed person ever. I am so horny all the time but there’s nothing I can do about it because I am such an antisocial freak. You might be thinking why not just go find someone online to roleplay with.. Here’s the thing that’s BORING as fuck. I want the real thing not some made up shit I have to pretend that I’m enjoying to make some stranger feel better. I sometimes wish I would just go out in the world and try to actually meet someone but then I remember humans are the most horrible species on this planet. I wish some alians from another planet would just come down and take me away with them so that I could live with them and learn their ways. Sure they might shove probes up my ass but that’s a little price to pay for getting a free pass off this miserable hunk of rock. Anyways back to the topic at hand… When you’ve seen as much porn as I have nothing fazes you. Two people could literally be having sex in front of me and I’d just tell them to move out of the way so I can see the TV. It’s weird that I know so much about sex and picture having it every single day of my life but would run the hell away if someone even offerd to take my virginity. Masterbation does the tick but really is just a chore after awhile. It’s not my fault I feel this way all the time but as Lady Gaga would say I was born this way. Anywhore off to pretend to be satisfied with this boring as hell life I have. Xoxo gossip girl just kidding(I might be a little obsessed with that show…just a little).