I know I told you to read my blog but don’t. Its been a wee bit since I’ve posted on this blog but as i always say”who cares” its my blog and I’ll do what I want.
So I’m making a plan on New Years for my death. So far I’ve concluded that I will drink exesive amounts of alchohol,smoke weed till i can see all the universe, take 25 or so sleeping pills and take 10 tabs of acid all In the same day Well ill probley spread it out throuhout the night but who knows im a pretty compulsive person. I was gonma do it before Christmas but thats way to fucked up son. I’m not that satanic or crual. Maybe I’ll sacrifice myself lto satan and become his waifu. See you guys in hell or not who knows what happens after death.
I’m going to be so old this year. This year I’m turning Dun Dun Dun…….. 18!! So for all you creepers out there I’m finally going to be legal!! But I don’t want to be. I wish when people tuned 18 that from then on they would go backwards in age because when I’m 18 I have to make decisions for myself and I can’t do that now let all by myself. I just can’t. Anywhore I’ve been watching Degrassi all this week. I’m now almost on season 4 I just have 2 more episodes in season 3 to watch because I fell asleep since I didn’t get any. I’m going to watch all the seasons and I’m so exited. Happy New Year. Byeeeeeee!
I am such a bitch to everyone. So I’ve been talking to this guy I met on whisper and we totally hit it off but I had to go off and ruin everything because I’m a complete and total waste of human life. I pushed him away until he no longer talked to me and why did I do this you ask, absolutely no reason. I just feel like when I get to know someone and they actually think that they might like me that I need to push them away before they realize what a big mistake they’ve made. I’m not worth their efforts or tears I’m not worth their time. There’s over a billion other people in this world that are 1000 times better then I will ever be. So if any of the guys I’ve talked to ever read this just know that I’m sorry I wasted your time by being a complete and total bitch. I hope you guys find someone who is actually worth your time and efforts and isn’t just a total bitch to you for no reason. I know I’m probley the only one ever going to read this but at least now I know why I don’t deserve anything but the loneliness that consumes me everyday.
So I’ve been kind of obsessed with the idea of having an experience with an Incubus demon. At my last house I was so obsessed that I did a ritual to summon one every night for 3 or 4 days. I think it worked because I kept feeling like someone was touching me when I was asleep or that there was a cat at the end of my bed(I read somewhere that is a sign that they are there). My door was closed so I know that it was not my cat or anyone else.The first time I ever had an experience I wrote it down in my notes, here it is.
Last night around 5:50am or so I think an incubus came to me and licked my ear several times. At first I thought it was my cat but then I opened my eyes and saw wings. Then he left. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I wanted to see him. I was scared. I hope he comes again tomorrow night, I hope I won’t be scared then.
Every since that experience I have been obsessed and long for another one. When I moved from my old house to my new one I thought that they would follow me but they didn’t. I searched online and it said that they don’t follow you so I began to try to summon one again. The first time it Dident work because I didn’t use my birth name so I tried again last night and I don’t know if it worked. This is another experience I think
Last night I think I had a dream that I was laying down on the floor sleeping with my fan as usual and then I felt a pressure on my back like someone was laying next to me but I held still because this was like a dream come true. So I was laying there with this pressure on my back and they took there hand a put it over my mouth for a minute but I couldn’t breath so I moved it. Then suddenly I felt pleasure down there. They they started moving in and out and it felt so good I started to moan after a while they stopped and left. I honestly think that it was an incubus and it was the most awesome experience I have had with one yet. Best day ever!!😊☺️😁
You can see that my obsession could not be more real. I really hope that it works this time and that I actually summoned one. I know some people(cough cough religious people) might think that I am stupid for wanting to have an incubus visit me but to those people I say why the fuck do you care this is my life not yours so get over it. Anyways I’ll keep you updated if it works tata!
As I go through life and see the things I do I stand and wonder why humanity is such shit. The more I live and the more I see the more I want to die. People always judging you based on your appearance or sexuality just blows my mind. How others think that it is their place to judge you based on your life choices and the way you act. I have yet to see the day something bad doesn’t happen to innocent people just living their lives. Mabey this is the universes crude way of proving a point but who knows. For now I guess I’ll just wait for the day this world comes crashing down on humanity and its disgusting ways.
Recently I have been having dreams about all the people in the state I used to live in,It’s really weird. They’ve mostly been about the guys I used to like. Like I’ve had 2 dreams about Mac and 2 to 3 about Austin( the guy I wrote about in 3 other posts). And every time I wake up I get so sad and depressed because I start to miss them so much. So I just look at my old yearbooks like a stalker and check their social networking sites. I also had one about Payton which was super awesome plus I wrote it down in my notes. Also I’ve been in my dream and realized that I was dreaming so I tryed to enter it with the techniques that I’ve read about on the web and seen in videos but it’s just wakes me up which sucks. Well that’s basically what’s been on my mind.
It’s a new year I cannot wait
To start again on this joyous date
So much to see , so much to do
So many things that are brand new
New things to learn, new things to be
New things to try out for the new me
So once again I cannot wait
To start again on this joyous date.