Today

I’m so freaking weird. So today when I was waking up I was imagining some guy raping me and I was actually getting wet and horny from it. What the fuck is wrong with me? I think my mind is broken or something because I actually want to get raped by some guy. I see my therapist on Thursday but there is no way in hell that I’m going to tell her about my sick twisted thoughts because she would for sure tell my mom about it and I’d be put in a mental hospital. I’m going to try and finish my civics class today so I won’t be so stressed about not finishing my classes and never getting into college. I am so worried about my future because I am such a slacker sometimes I could scream at myself for how stupid I can be. Well I’m off to watch holiday baking championship with me mum and then do some school work. Ta ta peasants(:
-PandaQueen12

Advertisements

Submissive 

Sometimes I sit down and think to myself am I really submissive? Sure I’m easily munipulated by others into doing things or I’ll feel bad but I just don’t know if I am. I don’t know if I started wanting to be submissive before or after reading 50 shades of grey it’s kind of all a blur. It would be really stupid if that was the reason that I think I am or want to be submissive. I know one thing for certain though and that is that I want to be controlled I crave it  actually. This is probley because my life has no control so I feel that if I was in a relationship I’d want whoever I was in the relationship with to take charge because I am the most indecisive person ever. Whenever I’m at the store with my mom and she asks me which cereal I think she should get I literally could care less and always say I don’t care. I read so much wattpad stories(you know the ones😏) and I get so sucked into them and wish that my life was like that but sadly it’s not. People who are possessive, obsessive or controlling just really intrigue and turn me on for some reason. When I say I like people who like having control I mean it in all aspects of themselves even when talking to someone online. I hate those people who say that they like to control yet let you walk all over them I mean if you were seriously controlling there’s no way in hell you would let me get away with pulling that shit. Well that’s what’s been on my mind latley.

                           -PandaQueen12

Incubus

So I’ve been kind of obsessed with the idea of having an experience with an Incubus demon. At my last house I was so obsessed that I did a ritual to summon one every night for 3 or 4 days. I think it worked because I kept feeling like someone was touching me when I was asleep or that there was a cat at the end of my bed(I read somewhere that is a sign that they are there). My door was closed so I know that it was not my cat or anyone else.The first time I ever had an experience I wrote it down in my notes, here it is.           

12-6-14 :

Last night around 5:50am or so I think an incubus came to me and licked my ear several times. At first I thought it was my cat but then I opened my eyes and saw wings. Then he left. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I wanted to see him. I was scared. I hope he comes again tomorrow night, I hope I won’t be scared then.

Every since that experience I have been obsessed and long for another one. When I moved from my old house to my new one I thought that they would follow me but they didn’t. I searched online and it said that they don’t follow you so I began to try to summon one again. The first time it Dident work because I didn’t use my birth name so I tried again last night and I don’t know if it worked. This is another experience I think

9-12-15:

Last night I think I had a dream that I was laying down on the floor sleeping with my fan as usual and then I felt a pressure on my back like someone was laying next to me but I held still because this was like a dream come true. So I was laying there with this pressure on my back and they took there hand a put it over my mouth for a minute but I couldn’t breath so I moved it. Then suddenly I felt pleasure down there. They they started moving in and out and it felt so good I started to moan after a while they stopped and left. I honestly think that it was an incubus and it was the most awesome experience I have had with one yet. Best day ever!!😊☺️😁

You can see that my obsession could not be more real. I really hope that it works this time and that I actually summoned one. I know some people(cough cough religious people) might think that I am stupid for wanting to have an incubus visit me but to those people I say why the fuck do you care this is my life not yours so get over it. Anyways I’ll keep you updated if it works tata!

                          -PandaQueen12

Repressed

I am literally the most sexually repressed person ever. I am so horny all the time but there’s nothing I can do about it because I am such an antisocial freak. You might be thinking why not just go find someone online to roleplay with.. Here’s the thing that’s BORING as fuck. I want the real thing not some made up shit I have to pretend that I’m enjoying to make some stranger feel better. I sometimes wish I would just go out in the world and try to actually meet someone but then I remember humans are the most horrible species on this planet. I wish some alians from another planet would just come down and take me away with them so that I could live with them and learn their ways. Sure they might shove probes up my ass but that’s a little price to pay for getting a free pass off this miserable hunk of rock. Anyways back to the topic at hand… When you’ve seen as much porn as I have nothing fazes you. Two people could literally be having sex in front of me and I’d just tell them to move out of the way so I can see the TV. It’s weird that I know so much about sex and picture having it every single day of my life but would run the hell away if someone even offerd to take my virginity. Masterbation does the tick but really is just a chore after awhile. It’s not my fault I feel this way all the time but as Lady Gaga would say I was born this way. Anywhore off to pretend to be satisfied with this boring as hell life I have. Xoxo gossip girl just kidding(I might be a little obsessed with that show…just a little).

                             -PandaQueen12

             

Dreams Man

Recently I have been having dreams about all the people in the state I used to live in,It’s really weird. They’ve mostly been about the guys I used to like. Like I’ve had 2 dreams about Mac and 2 to 3 about Austin( the guy I wrote about in 3 other posts). And every time I wake up I get so sad and depressed because I start to miss them so much. So I just look at my old yearbooks like a stalker and check their social networking sites. I also had one about Payton which was super awesome plus I wrote it down in my notes. Also I’ve been in my dream and realized that I was dreaming so I tryed to enter it with the techniques that I’ve read about on the web and seen in videos but it’s just wakes me up which sucks. Well that’s basically what’s been on my mind.

                  -PandaQueen12

💢Confusion💢

So the guy I was talking about in my “Boys” post is being annoying as usual. So every since my teacher moved seats and made him sit by this chick named, we’ll call her bitch. So he now sits next to this bitch and together they are so fucking annoying. At first I thought they were dating, but I just found out recently that they weren’t (thank goodness) I hate her so fucking  much. She’s like in 3 of my 6 classes and she seems to always be going in the same direction as me in the hallways at school. Usually he doesn’t ride the bus but when he does he sits directly behind me. The bus could be literally empty with only me on it and if    he comes on and sees me he just sits directly behind me. He is just so freaking confusing😩😤. I wish I could read his mind. Talk to you later byeeeeeeeeee.

                          -PandaQueen12

Boys

So there’s this guy that I think likes me and so I wanted to talk to him. So I went on my snapchat and added him and he asked who it was when he knew for a fact that it was me because he does this every time. So just for the heck of it I told him my name that he already knew. Not two minutes later he sends me a picture of him completely naked but only showing his abs. He then says he’s going to take a shower so I just stopped talking to him Cus I thought he was taking a shower. One minute later he sends me a text saying that I hate him which I don’t (though he can be annoying sometimes). Then he sends me another picture of him again saying he’s going to take a shower and this time the picture is a full body one with his hands over his genitalia. I literally screamed like seriously I almost fell out of my chair. After I was done freaking out I told him to go take a shower so he did. When he was done he sent me a message asking me what I wanted to ask him and I told him I wasn’t the one who asked that but he insisted I did and so I said never mind and he blocked me. ARE YOU SERIOUS! I should be blocking you, you fucking pervert like holy shit I didn’t say or do anything wrong. I’m so done with boys. God damn God damn.

-PandaQueen12
-P.s. Sorry I haven’t written in a long time I’ll try to do more😄

The Mall

So yesterday I went to the mall with my friend it was actually really awesome. We walked around the mall at first we saw some really hot guys in a pack but that was the last of The hot guys that were at the mall. I bought like four things. Since I have $50 and the malls expensive as fuck. The first thing I got was a shirt that had a black bear and a white bear and it said “let’s make a panda together” I freaking love it! The second thing I got was some perfume from Victoria’s Secret because I was running out of it. The perfume I got was called coconut passion it’s also good and smells like heaven. Then me and my friend went to get something to eat. I went to this place called Bonzaga Tea or something like that. I got this like purple drink it’s apparently bubble tea.you could get things in your drinks so I got like these little circle squishy things they were so annoying because it took so long to drink it and I got a brain freeze like five times. After that went to orange Julius so my friend could get a drink too. She got a strawberry smoothie. When we were done with that we went into this other store and I got this painting of a fox. I like the painting but it was so annoying carrying it around the whole mall because it was so big that people kept staring at it, like could you look at something else you creeps. My friend got some boots, a shirt that said “nugs not drugs” and a bag with her favorite anime characters on it. After we were done eating we went to Hot Topic and I got a Sebastian bobble head or collectible thing from my favorite anime Black Butler. It is so cute! No one must touch it😈. After we were done at the mall we went to her house and watched a movie. After that I went home. Yesterday was pretty awesome and I hope to have more days like it. That’s all for now.
-PandaQueen12