I know I told you to read my blog but don’t. Its been a wee bit since I’ve posted on this blog but as i always say”who cares” its my blog and I’ll do what I want.
So I’m making a plan on New Years for my death. So far I’ve concluded that I will drink exesive amounts of alchohol,smoke weed till i can see all the universe, take 25 or so sleeping pills and take 10 tabs of acid all In the same day Well ill probley spread it out throuhout the night but who knows im a pretty compulsive person. I was gonma do it before Christmas but thats way to fucked up son. I’m not that satanic or crual. Maybe I’ll sacrifice myself lto satan and become his waifu. See you guys in hell or not who knows what happens after death.
This morning I woke up still thinking about the one person I’ve been thinking of every single day for the past couple of months. When I wake up with this person in my head my whole heart just lights up. This person has got to be the single most interesting, funny, handsome and just an overall awesome human being. I don’t think I’ve ever been this in love with someone in my entire life. I cry when I think of all the things that have been wrongly done towards this person and I want to be there for them I want to be with them they’re the only one I have ever truly cried for because I sincerely in my heart am hurt that something like that would ever come out of the mind of someone as amazing as them. Recently I realized Life’s too short to live in your comfort zone( surprise surprise) and that the people you love can be taken away from you at any moment so live your life to the fullest with no regrets. When I started this blog I truly I was about to kill myself but I didn’t and now I think I might have found the person I would like to spend the rest of my life working towards getting. I think I might have found my soulmate. I feel as though I might actually try for once instead of always second-guessing myself. I will achieve happiness one day no matter how long it takes but if it’s with you I think I’m already there.
This whole blog post is kind of a mess but my emotions are strong and this is the only way I can express that.
So today after my weekly 3 hours of torture I’m going to make some cashew milk. I’ve always wondered what it would taste like and now I’ll get to. Yesterday I made some cashew cheese spread and some almond cheese that is being fermented in the fridge as we speak. I also made some vegan rice pudding which is really good but I think it would be better with some fruit or berries. I thought being vegan would be harder but it’s really not that hard at all. Right now I’m in the church bathroom listening to music because I don’t want to go to class and I can’t wait to go home in an hour.thats all for now ta ta!
Guess what I’m a vegan now, isn’t that magical?! My mom bought these giant oranges from Costco(shocker) they are so good. Well that’s all goodbye
I’m going to be so old this year. This year I’m turning Dun Dun Dun…….. 18!! So for all you creepers out there I’m finally going to be legal!! But I don’t want to be. I wish when people tuned 18 that from then on they would go backwards in age because when I’m 18 I have to make decisions for myself and I can’t do that now let all by myself. I just can’t. Anywhore I’ve been watching Degrassi all this week. I’m now almost on season 4 I just have 2 more episodes in season 3 to watch because I fell asleep since I didn’t get any. I’m going to watch all the seasons and I’m so exited. Happy New Year. Byeeeeeee!
I’m the most random person ever. One second I’ll be thinking about sex or food then the next second I’ll be screaming at the top of lungs and making animal noises around my house. My parents think I’m so weird when I do this and I don’t blame them. I’m just always so bored so I do strange things to entertain myself. For example if I’m home alone and I know people won’t be home for awhile I just think ” time to go masterbate” even though I’m not horny at all(which is rare). I think I might be crazy or something. On the contrary I could just need some human interaction but as you probably know by now that’s not going to happen. I need someone to please come save me before I go mad😫😖
P.S I literally almost typed in my real name on here. If my parents found out I’d be sent to a purifying camp to “rid me of my sins” as they would say.🙄😆 anyways ta ta!😘
So I’ve been kind of obsessed with the idea of having an experience with an Incubus demon. At my last house I was so obsessed that I did a ritual to summon one every night for 3 or 4 days. I think it worked because I kept feeling like someone was touching me when I was asleep or that there was a cat at the end of my bed(I read somewhere that is a sign that they are there). My door was closed so I know that it was not my cat or anyone else.The first time I ever had an experience I wrote it down in my notes, here it is.
Last night around 5:50am or so I think an incubus came to me and licked my ear several times. At first I thought it was my cat but then I opened my eyes and saw wings. Then he left. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I wanted to see him. I was scared. I hope he comes again tomorrow night, I hope I won’t be scared then.
Every since that experience I have been obsessed and long for another one. When I moved from my old house to my new one I thought that they would follow me but they didn’t. I searched online and it said that they don’t follow you so I began to try to summon one again. The first time it Dident work because I didn’t use my birth name so I tried again last night and I don’t know if it worked. This is another experience I think
Last night I think I had a dream that I was laying down on the floor sleeping with my fan as usual and then I felt a pressure on my back like someone was laying next to me but I held still because this was like a dream come true. So I was laying there with this pressure on my back and they took there hand a put it over my mouth for a minute but I couldn’t breath so I moved it. Then suddenly I felt pleasure down there. They they started moving in and out and it felt so good I started to moan after a while they stopped and left. I honestly think that it was an incubus and it was the most awesome experience I have had with one yet. Best day ever!!😊☺️😁
You can see that my obsession could not be more real. I really hope that it works this time and that I actually summoned one. I know some people(cough cough religious people) might think that I am stupid for wanting to have an incubus visit me but to those people I say why the fuck do you care this is my life not yours so get over it. Anyways I’ll keep you updated if it works tata!
I am literally the most sexually repressed person ever. I am so horny all the time but there’s nothing I can do about it because I am such an antisocial freak. You might be thinking why not just go find someone online to roleplay with.. Here’s the thing that’s BORING as fuck. I want the real thing not some made up shit I have to pretend that I’m enjoying to make some stranger feel better. I sometimes wish I would just go out in the world and try to actually meet someone but then I remember humans are the most horrible species on this planet. I wish some alians from another planet would just come down and take me away with them so that I could live with them and learn their ways. Sure they might shove probes up my ass but that’s a little price to pay for getting a free pass off this miserable hunk of rock. Anyways back to the topic at hand… When you’ve seen as much porn as I have nothing fazes you. Two people could literally be having sex in front of me and I’d just tell them to move out of the way so I can see the TV. It’s weird that I know so much about sex and picture having it every single day of my life but would run the hell away if someone even offerd to take my virginity. Masterbation does the tick but really is just a chore after awhile. It’s not my fault I feel this way all the time but as Lady Gaga would say I was born this way. Anywhore off to pretend to be satisfied with this boring as hell life I have. Xoxo gossip girl just kidding(I might be a little obsessed with that show…just a little).
Recently I have been having dreams about all the people in the state I used to live in,It’s really weird. They’ve mostly been about the guys I used to like. Like I’ve had 2 dreams about Mac and 2 to 3 about Austin( the guy I wrote about in 3 other posts). And every time I wake up I get so sad and depressed because I start to miss them so much. So I just look at my old yearbooks like a stalker and check their social networking sites. I also had one about Payton which was super awesome plus I wrote it down in my notes. Also I’ve been in my dream and realized that I was dreaming so I tryed to enter it with the techniques that I’ve read about on the web and seen in videos but it’s just wakes me up which sucks. Well that’s basically what’s been on my mind.
So I brought this Dream Cather at the mall because I thought it would help to catch all my bad dreams but every since I got it all it has done is cause me to have nightmares. Before I bought it I literally had no bad dreams and now that’s all I have. Dream catcher more like nightmare producer.