Maybe i should just accept that people will talk about me just for existing or breathing even though i havent done anything to anyone. I have not said one rude word to anyone and they all asume that i eithier have an atittude,that im crabby or just overall a rude person. You know what ill just keep being me as the wise onion boy always says at the end of his videos. Judge me for no reason even though your religion suposedly teaches you to love one another but i guess that doesent apply to me. Im a pretty good looking person if i do say so myself abd thats not being conceded im told this on a regular basis. I don’t care for stupid people. Right now im liteni ng to a lady talk about loveing eachother but again that doesent apply to me. People are so quick to judge me and others who dont fit their cookie cutter standard that its mindblowing when they start talking about loving one anther. To each his own i guess.
P.S. i think im going to start writing my suday blog posts again. So much things to say but not outload because I’m aparently not aloud to have opinions or be considered a human being.
Ever had feelings so strongly twards someone that it physically hurt to even see them with anyone else? I know he has a girlfriend and I’m trying so hard to get over these feelings but I just can’t. I can feel it inside myself that he is my Soulmate the one I’m ment to be with. I might not be able to have him right now but I feel like the universe is not letting me get over him for some reason. Any advice? I’m so stuck on him that I check his social media(atleast the ones he uses) every single day. It hurts but I just have to see that hes ok and doing atleast descent. The things hes said and his way of being such an egotistical person gives me life. I was looking at his pictures last night while high af on the weedles and the feelings I have for him were amplified times 1000 I can’t do this anymore. I was going to be in one of my friends music videos and he went but I couldent get a ride. Is this a sign that I should stop? I dont know help me.
I know I told you to read my blog but don’t. Its been a wee bit since I’ve posted on this blog but as i always say”who cares” its my blog and I’ll do what I want.
So I’m making a plan on New Years for my death. So far I’ve concluded that I will drink exesive amounts of alchohol,smoke weed till i can see all the universe, take 25 or so sleeping pills and take 10 tabs of acid all In the same day Well ill probley spread it out throuhout the night but who knows im a pretty compulsive person. I was gonma do it before Christmas but thats way to fucked up son. I’m not that satanic or crual. Maybe I’ll sacrifice myself lto satan and become his waifu. See you guys in hell or not who knows what happens after death.
This morning I woke up still thinking about the one person I’ve been thinking of every single day for the past couple of months. When I wake up with this person in my head my whole heart just lights up. This person has got to be the single most interesting, funny, handsome and just an overall awesome human being. I don’t think I’ve ever been this in love with someone in my entire life. I cry when I think of all the things that have been wrongly done towards this person and I want to be there for them I want to be with them they’re the only one I have ever truly cried for because I sincerely in my heart am hurt that something like that would ever come out of the mind of someone as amazing as them. Recently I realized Life’s too short to live in your comfort zone( surprise surprise) and that the people you love can be taken away from you at any moment so live your life to the fullest with no regrets. When I started this blog I truly I was about to kill myself but I didn’t and now I think I might have found the person I would like to spend the rest of my life working towards getting. I think I might have found my soulmate. I feel as though I might actually try for once instead of always second-guessing myself. I will achieve happiness one day no matter how long it takes but if it’s with you I think I’m already there.
This whole blog post is kind of a mess but my emotions are strong and this is the only way I can express that.
I dident say no
I said it was fine
When you started touching me I felt inclined
to ask you what you were doing
Then you stared at me making me uncomfortable
Then you tried to kiss me but I turned my head
You tired to put your hand in my pants but I batted it away
You asked me if I was fine and I said it was OK
All you wanted was to use me I should have known
It was my first time but like you know
I was sore for days but like you care
But you dident rape me because I dident say no.
And now I get flashbacks of what you did and I think of how stupid I was for not saying no. I dident say yes but I dident say no.
I honestly can’t stand living anymore at this point in time. I’m tired of living,breathing and just being here in general. I am so utterly done and upset with anything and everything I can’t even start to think about my life right now. To think that anyone would ever want to be with me for me is an ignorant and ridiculous thought. Everyone I have ever met has just used me for one thing or another. Even my own parents treat me like their personal servant. I get treated like I am the most stupid person in the room, people like to make me cry on purpose because they know how easy it is to make me upset and make me think that they don’t like me and or hate me. I am so sick of people treating me this way but i know I’ll never change and that I’ll always get used by someone.
So today’s Sunday and I’m at church once again and they keep talking about how we chose to be here and honestly it’s hilarious. Do they honestly think that if I had a choice that I would be here? Everyday all I do is complain about how I wish someone would just kill me or that I could just die already and that I hate life so much. I hate religion so much I mean just think about it. Most of the hate in this world is caused by religion and their rediculus views on things that have nothing to do with them. It’s sickens me how far some religious people will go to “please” their God/Gods. I think that the world would be better off if religion was never in it. Well anyways today is my brothers birthday which sucks for him since we can’t go anywhere because it’s SUNDAY(it’s fucking rediculus). I’m going to work on my math after church gets out so that’s something to do. That’s all goodbyeee!
So today after my weekly 3 hours of torture I’m going to make some cashew milk. I’ve always wondered what it would taste like and now I’ll get to. Yesterday I made some cashew cheese spread and some almond cheese that is being fermented in the fridge as we speak. I also made some vegan rice pudding which is really good but I think it would be better with some fruit or berries. I thought being vegan would be harder but it’s really not that hard at all. Right now I’m in the church bathroom listening to music because I don’t want to go to class and I can’t wait to go home in an hour.thats all for now ta ta!
I’m going to be so old this year. This year I’m turning Dun Dun Dun…….. 18!! So for all you creepers out there I’m finally going to be legal!! But I don’t want to be. I wish when people tuned 18 that from then on they would go backwards in age because when I’m 18 I have to make decisions for myself and I can’t do that now let all by myself. I just can’t. Anywhore I’ve been watching Degrassi all this week. I’m now almost on season 4 I just have 2 more episodes in season 3 to watch because I fell asleep since I didn’t get any. I’m going to watch all the seasons and I’m so exited. Happy New Year. Byeeeeeee!
I haven’t really been keeping up with this blog but then again who really cares. Today is Christmas but it doesn’t feel like it to me. It just feels like another day except we get to open gifts. I got a laptop which I have been begging for. I thought that I would be ecstatic about it but I could really care less. The gift I got that I was the most excited about was an immersion blender because I love cooking and I cant wait to make some soup with it tomorrow. When you get everything that you want you tend to start feeling empty.Well happy holidays or whatever.