Bad Choices

Since turning 18 twenty-two days ago I’ve made some terrible decisions. The first mistake I made was getting a tindr. I should have known that all the guys on there were fuck boys. So I thought this guy was cute and he likes the same things I liked. So I went over to his house and we went down to his basement and started playing super smash bros (only the best game ever). He beat me of course since I hadent plays in a while and I was a little(a lot) rusty. What happens next might suprise you(maybe) he turned the game off and we started making videos on youtube. Basically we were YouTube and chilling. As we were watching the videos he started to move his hands twards my thighs and he asked me if that was fine, I said it was. Then things started escalating when he got a blanket and put it over the two of us and tried to kiss me. I told him that I had never kissed anyone or done anything before but he said that was fine so we kissed and I felt nothing. Then he took off my glasses because I am litrally blind without them. And we went to his room but i was to scared and hated how I looked so I went into his closet. That’s when it happened I lost my virginity to some guy I ment off tindr in his closet. His closet was a pretty big place so it wasent uncomfortable but when we were done I still felt nothing. How am I supose to feel? The day after this encounter I was in so much pain and that lasted for 3 days and I’m still kind of sore now. Of course I wasent stupid and he wore a condom but I thought I was supose to feel some deep connection with someone after an experience like that but i felt nothing. The other day the power went off at work and I smoked for the first time it was pretty lack luster, I gave a blow job for the second time( to the tindr guy). Oh how life is strange. What do I do now?



16 thoughts on “Bad Choices

  1. Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it šŸ™‚ Don’t worry about not feeling anything. Just try to move on from it, but also don’t shut yourself down.


  2. Hey you.
    Well there’s only one thing you can do. Move on.
    You could dwell on the past and have major regrets or you could accept that it has happened and try to learn from it.
    Also you should take a morning after pill. Sure he wore a condom but does aren’t 100% effective. It may be a tad too late but hopefully there’s no reason for it to be.
    Have you noticed any blood spots in your underwear as well? If you get any sort of painful discharge or excess flow of blood, see a gynecologist.
    Take care of yourself, okay?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Depends on how much. Was it immediately after you had sex? Or like some days? Expect spotting for three to five days anyway. Just not too excessive.


      2. Alright then. That’s okay. Just monitor your vaginal area. Better safe than sorry.
        And try to stay away from Tindr boys. They’re nothing but trouble and you’re worth so much more than that.


      3. Listen. There’s no point focusing on the past. All you can do is learn from it and move on.
        Are you sure you’re ready to be in a relationship? How do you feel about yourself first?


      4. But it was my first time and I felt like a whore afterwards becouse I just left his house and went to work. All I want is to be in a relationship with someone, is that to much to ask. He said I was funny and cool was he just lying to get what he wanted?


      5. I’m not saying you should forget about it. I’m saying you should move on from it.
        Losing your virginity is a big deal but it doesn’t make you a whore. Di he pay you? No? Therefore, you’re not a whore.
        It’s not too much to ask. Deep down, you need to ask yourself why you keep on gravitating towards what seem to be total assholes. You can do so much better than that.
        What are your interests?
        I won’t say he was lying but the truth is boys like that will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want. Which is sex.
        You need to find a guy who will say those things to you because he means it, not because he wants to get in your pants.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Not all boys are interested in sex and only sex.
        I was going to say there’ll be a guy that’ll make you forget all this but… honestly, there might not be. You might never have your dream relationship.
        And that sucks.
        But then you might have the whirliest of all whirlwind romances and it will be absolutely blissful.
        Who knows?
        What matters here is you. You like video games, writing and reading? That sounds pretty awesome to me.
        What sort of video games are you into? Do you have any arcades in your areas? Or libraries? Or book clubs?
        Cultivate your interests and spend time working on you.
        I’m not going to tell you that you’ll find a boy who’ll love you for who you are because you shouldn’t accept yourself because people accept you; people will accept you because you accept yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Wow, you are like the big sister I never had. You give the best advice. Thank you so much for helping me all the time!! To be honest I wish I could just stop liking boys all together but I know that will never happen. Life is just ment to suck for me I guess.


      8. Yeah yeah, giving advice is the easy part.
        Following it through, however, that’s all on you dear.
        You don’t have to stop liking boys but you can just ignore them for now. They’re not what’s important and you don’t need a boyfriend to be happy.
        Be happy with you and get a boyfriend to be happier.


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