Truth

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It seems like everyone thinks I’m depressed or some shit but honestly I’m just hurting myself before anyone else has the chance to. I was just at my friends house and Brandon texted me saying some bullshit so I took my razor out of my bag and made a cut on my arm and two on my ankle. I was bleeding so i asked my freind for a napkin and now she thinks I’m suicidal. I’m so fucking annoying.

-PandaQueen12

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Happy Birthday To Me

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Today’s my birthday. I turn 18 today so I could buy cigarettes If I smoked but I dont. The only thing I want is the only thing I can’t have so that’s jolly. I got a cake from this vegan place. My family probley won’t try it just because it’s vegan  which is so annoying. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

     -PandaQueen12

Fuck life

Fuck life I wish I was dead. Someone end this suffering already. Why does no one like me? Wait I know I complain and repeat everything. Why cant I just die already

     -PandaQueen12

The Last Text

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This is my last text to Brandon:
You know what it’s fine Brandon I wouldent want me either. All I do I cause everyone trouble and I honestly think that that world world be a whole lot better without me in it. All I want to do is give people something to be happy about but obvously im not it. So it’s fine if you keep treating me like the garbage I am becouse that’s what I deserve. Hate me all you want, I deserve it. I’m worthless and should just be treated like shit. I’m sorry for trying to get anyone to actually want to be around me because I know why they wouldent want to be. All I do is complain and bother people and I am so sorry that you ever had the displeasure of ever meeting me. I know that you don’t want me and probley never will but what’s new. I’m stupid for ever thinking that giving myself to you would ever accomplish anything. My family hates me,i hate me and now you hate me to. I hope that you can find hapiness now that I’m no longer in the equation. I guess I just wanted to be wanted and no one wanted me. So I’m sorry once again. Have a nice life Brandon

This is the last message that I sent to Brandon last night while I was sobbing. I just try so hard and is it to much to ask to be wanted back? Aparently it is. I just don’t know why he doesent want me but then again no one does.  I went shopping at walmart today and low and behold Brandon was there working in the Wal-Mart McDonald’s. Is there a reason the universe is torturing me with his face? I just wish I knew what it was. I just wish that I could be what he wanted needed beged for because that’s what he is for me.
       
           -PandaQueen12

Please?

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Brandon is litrally going to be the death of me. No matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to get over him. I was just about to make a tindr account to meet some new people but I just can’t find it in me to make one. I feel so lost and stupid. He doesent even like me anymore but all that’s done is make me want him more. He asked me if I wanted to be freinds with benifits and I said yes hoping that would mean we could actually hang out for once but nope he started ignoring me again. I would do anything for him I even told him that but it seems the more of myself I am willing to give him the less of me he wants. I just don’t understand guys sometimes. Here is a willing and able person that would litrally die for you and you don’t even want to test them to see how far they would go for you? Even if he just used me I wouldent mind I just want to be near him, is that so much to ask? Am I that worthless that you wouldent even give me a chance? I guess I’m ment to be forever alone in the world.
  
              -PandaQueen12